Starting afresh this New Year! Time to let go the past!

                              
Hi Friends! Happy New Year! 

I hope that the year started great for all of you. For me, yes it did! I had a great time in India with my family and friends and now I am back in Hong Kong, just in time to celebrate the Chinese New Year! 

And as the first month of the new year is coming to an end, I tried to retrospect this morning if anything had happened worth noting down here. If I had discovered some pearls of wisdom to share with you all. And I realized that I had in fact understood a very important point. 

To tell you this point, I will start with a short story which I had read in the Speaking Tree section of The Times of India newspaper. The story goes like this.  

A wise man once told a joke to a group of people. Everyone was amused and laughed a lot and appreciated the humour. After some time, he narrated this joke again. This time, people were slightly less amused and just smiled. He repeated the joke the third time and nobody gave a reaction. When he tried telling the same joke again for the fourth time, people got irritated. Someone shouted at the wise man asking why was he repeating the same joke again and again. The man replied, "If repeating a joke ceases to amuse after a few times, then how do we carry on with repeated remembrance of painful stories?"

As per my last post, when I was noting my experiences of the last year and the dreams and challenges for the coming year, I was reminded of some of the sad memories and unhappy incidents from my past. I realized that I had been carrying them with me since many years and they had only accumulated and become a huge emotional baggage affecting my present and future. This baggage had only hurt me and given me more pain with time.

Many of us have been carrying the weight of these unnecessary painful memories since ages. A lengthy warm discussion with my mum made me see that it was time to let go, time to be free from this baggage. Time to be free from fear, anger, hurt, resentment, guilt and all kinds of negative emotions from the past. 

Hence as the Chinese celebrate their New Year with fireworks today, and the world rejoices with them, let us all decide to leave something behind in 2011 and start the journey of 2012 afresh! Lets free the diaries of our mind and heart and fill them with fresh happy chapters. You might say that this is not easy. I agree. I wish that the human genius would invent some device to retain only selective memories in our brain. However until that happened, we would need to do it manually. And this how I did it:

1. Free from Anger - Try to make yourself free from all the anger, resentment, or hatred that you might have carried for many different people since childhood. You are only doing a favour to yourself by letting go of these feelings towards them. Forgive them. I am not asking you to make them your best friends. But rise to a level where it no longer affects you. The moment is over. Now it is time to move on. 

2. Free from Guilt - Quite often we life we blame ourselves for things which happened in our lives or in the lives of our loved ones. However, don't forget that we do not have control over everything. So free yourself from guilt. If you know you made a mistake, try to redeem it. But do not spoil what you can do today or tomorrow because of one wrong thing you did yesterday. 

3. Free from regret - Time machines only existed in fiction and hence there is no way we are going to be able to go back and change our decisions, our situations, our mistakes. Hence, believe that everything happened for a reason and learn from them. Live in the moments of present and think of the dreams of future. Try not to regret the past. 

4. Believe in yourself - Believe in yourself and believe in the beauty of your present and future. Just because something happened once in the past or someone told you something, it does not become a reality. Trust yourself.

I had read when I was a kid, that every story has two parts. A beginning and an end. If you didn't like the beginning you could give it a beautiful end. So don't remain stuck on the beginnings which didn't start well. 

I have decided to give some fresh endings in the year 2012. I have decided to forget and to forgive. All the best to you too!

Kung Hei Fat Choy

The art of saying “NO”

I heard my friend telling me yesterday, “I didn’t really want to go for the movie but I couldn’t say no!”  I remember her telling me some time back, “I really wish I didn’t have to go to work this Saturday to help a colleague with his pending reports.”  And this kept on occurring from time to time! And I recognized what her problem was! She was not able to say the ‘forbidden’ word – NO!!

And then I realized that this problem was not hers alone. Lot of people around us were fighting within to say this word! How many times have we found ourselves in an awkward or unpleasant situation where we wished we could say “NO”, but ended up giving an affirmative? How many times have we been pushed to do things which we didn’t want to, by our friends, family or colleagues? I have a feeling that we come across such situations quite often either at home, work or elsewhere.

But have we wondered that why are we not able to say “NO” at the right moment? The reason is the fear of making the other person unhappy or spoiling the relationship. We have been made to believe that it is rude to say no to people! However that is not the case. Being assertive is not the same as being impolite.

We have to understand first, that it is important to express our refusal in certain situations because if we don’t we will be carried away. If we are unable to express it in the first instance then it becomes even more difficult the next time. After some time, we develop an inner resentment towards ourselves and other people and ultimately it affects our relationships with them. We also end up wasting a lot of our important time doing unnecessary favours.

So what do we do? The secret is in the art of saying the forbidden word –“NO”

1.      Set Priorities – If you have your priorities right, then you will know yourself what needs to be done first and what to say no to!

2.      Reschedule – Try and reschedule the request of favour to a later time when you think you will be able to do it. This way you will not end of giving a straight refusal and also not disturb your current timetable. However don’t do this, unless you wish to do this task at a later instance.

3.     Polite but Firm – Being polite is important while refusing. For example one could say, “I would have loved to do it, but….”, or “I am probably not the best person to do this...” etc. You can give any such reason politely. However remember to be firm. Make the other person understand that you can’t be persuaded to change your mind!

4.     Don’t give too many explanations – Saying No when you feel is your right, so don’t offer too many explanations for the refusal.

It might seem a little difficult in the beginning, but once you have mastered the art of saying no at the right moment, you will discover that it’s really not that tough!  You will end up saving a lot of time, be more efficient and relaxed and happier! I learnt it and I know I am happier! Why don’t you try! 

The Magical Words

It was 2 AM. And Nikita was tossing on her bed from one side to another. It was not new to her that she was not asleep at this time. On most situations she would either be reading a book or watching a movie. But today there was another reason for her insomnia. Her thoughts were keeping her awake. Definitely something was wrong!

She had an argument with her mother the last week! She was on ‘not-talking’ terms with her colleague! Her little sister didn’t want to talk to her. Her best friend had not called her for days after the last heated conversation they had! And so on! 

“Why is suddenly everyone so unhappy with me?”, she thought to herself! Unable to find any answers herself, she started doing what she loved the most –  she took out her old letters from her dearest people and started reading them. At least that will make me feel happy!”, she reflected! 

While going through the bundle, she found  a tattered letter from her grandfather. He had written this to her when she was in the 3^rd grade. Carefully she opened the letter, as she was scared that it would tear at the folds. She had forgotten all about the content, but what intrigued her to read further was the title that her grandpa had given to the letter – ‘The Magical Words’. What could it be? She started reading it. It said,

Dear Niki,

Hope your exams went well? Did you enjoy reading the Fairy Tales book which I sent with mumma?

Well, today I am sending another gift with this letter. I am going to tell you the secret magical words! Yes! These are the words which fairies, elves, pixies and everyone else in the far far land use when they talk with each other. And you know what, they never fight. They never make anyone else feel bad with their words. They are friends forever and are very happy!

These magical words are “THANK-YOU”, “I am SORRY” and “PLEASE”! Whenever anybody does an act of kindness to you, say Thank-you. Whenever you know you are wrong or have fought with your friend say I am Sorry. And whenever you want something say Please. And say these words with all your feelings and you will realize that they will work wonders – just like magic! 

Remember to use the magical words next time you talk to someone!

Lots of love,

Grandpa

Nikita didn’t move. She had completed reading the letter but not the thought which her grandpa had sent her. She remembered that how as a kid., she had taken this message to heart and followed it and how it had worked like magic for her! And suddenly she knew the answer to the thought that had been keeping her awake. She had forgotten to use the magical words! 

And this is something which happens to many of us. As we grow, we somehow forget to use these magical words. Or even if we do, do we mean it? How many times have we genuinely apologized a friend whom we have hurt? How many times have we truly acknowledged and thanked the person who has helped us, maybe in the slightest manner? And how many times have we asked for something without taking the help for granted?

A slightest ‘Thank-you’, ‘Sorry” or ‘Please’ from the bottom of our hearts can work miracles – more than any other magical word like “Abracadabra”!!

Follow Your Dreams

“Follow Your Dreams”! You might wonder that why suddenly (and that too after such a long time) have I started the post with such words! Well, actually last week I was talking to some students (at IIT Gandhinagar, where I am working at the moment) about believing in and following their dreams!

I told them, that while clearing a cupboard (on my mother’s insistence) filled with old books, diaries and tons of memories, I discovered an old diary which I had started writing when I was 10 years old. On the last page of the diary I had written a line, “I want to travel the whole world” about which I had completely forgotten over the years. As time passed, I got my engineering qualification and was going to join a reputed software company. However, the dream etched in my sub-conscious stopped me going after that job. Instead I went to Australia to do something completely different – work in the field of education. Coming back to India, my work required me to travel across India & Nepal. Last year, from Bangalore, again my dream led me to take, what people called, a crazy decision to quit my job and go to Europe for three months! And I ended up visiting 14 countries the last three years!

Reading that line from my 15 years old diary made me revisit this entire journey in a flash. I realized that my dream as a child was influencing my decisions and leading me towards it.

But how many of us know what our dreams really are? What are the things we really really want to do or go after? And what are the things which we end up doing or taking up because of family, peer or societal expectations? And if we do discover that this is something which we really want, would we have the courage to follow it, fight for it!

I had read a short story sometime back. Two brothers while climbing to their apartment on 80^th floor (as the elevator was not working), decided to dump their bags on the 20^th floor. They could not carry it further and decided to come back later for it. They quickly climbed the next 20 floors hardly talking to each other. During the climb to the 60^th floor, they were getting tired and irritated and fought with each other complaining about the situation they were in. After reaching the 60^th floor, they decided as there were only 20 floors left, they would climb quietly in peace. On reaching the 80^th floor they found out that they had forgotten the key in the bag, because of which they would not be able to rest in peace now!!

This story is an excellent reflection of our lives. When we are young, we have too much load of others expectations and so we decide to dump the key to our happiness – our dreams, and then think that we will come back to them later. But we forget them.  From the age of 20 to 40, we get busy doing various things and forget to think about what we left behind. At the age of 40 we realize and complain that we are not happy doing whatever we are doing. And then at 60 we make peace with ourselves, deciding to spend the rest of our life quietly. And at the end of life’s journey, we can’t rest in peace because somewhere there is an un-fulfilled dream within us which we left ages ago!

I would just conclude saying that if there is something which we truly love and want to achieve in life and if we truly believe in it, then there is nothing stopping us to get it. Just go for it!

Oh No! Its Monday!

“Oh No! It’s Monday tomorrow!!”

Did you share this sentiment as the weekend is coming to an end? Do you dread Sunday nights and Monday mornings?  Does Monday seem to be the slowest day of the week? Well then, its diagnosed! You are suffering from what everybody calls “Monday Blues”. What’s new! We knew that already, you might say! 

However, this suffering can be brought to an end! I hated Mondays, until I tried the things I have listed below! And now, believe it or not, but I really look forward to Mondays! Exaggeration? No! You will see…..

1. SMILE, SMILE & SMILE a lot!! It’s infectious and effective!

2. Pick up your favourite dress/shirt on Sunday evening and keep it ready to wear it the next day! Let Monday be your best dressed day of the week at work!

3. Acknowledge & Appreciate – send a word of thanks to some old friends / colleagues/ family, anyone who you know deserves it, helped you in some tiny little way in your life. Acknowledge their effort and make them smile. Trust me, you will feel happy too!

4. Decide to do one fun thing for Monday evening, like watch a movie, go for a fine dinner, go shopping, or just meet up with some friends. It can be anything else you like! This way you will have something exciting to look forward to as the day tags along!

5. Give yourself a head-start! Finish up some of the work planned for Monday on Friday afternoon! Having one thing less to do is a great feeling.

6. Make a list of things you accomplished in the last week, and the things you want to over the coming week! Will give you a sense of Meaningful Mondays.

7. Keep the To-Do list for Monday, Simple & Short!

8. Play your best music! Peppy Dance numbers help a lot!

9. Have good food throughout the day – starting with a great breakfast! Yeah! Yummy food does make you feel better!

10. Get some exercise, preferably in the morning! Go for a short walk / jog, take   some fresh air, sunshine and take in the beauty of nature!

  

Eventually, while doing these, you will realize that there are many other things, apart from the above 10 which will make you happy! Soon, you will have your own list! And the time is not far away, my friend, when you will hear yourself say

“Thank God it's Monday!” Exaggeration Again? Try it!