The Last 9 Days of 2011

Hello!

How are you doing in the last week of 2011? Wow! Does it not sound a bit different when I put it like that, rather than a mere 'How are you?'

I am sure all of us are busy preparing for the big day - New Year's Eve! We have made that reservation, shopped for that perfect party look etc. All in all, we are all set to celebrate that second when the clock strikes 12!

However, have you planned anything for the last nine days of 2011, before that second comes! With so many things happening, it can be a little overwhelming and so to make it easy, let us think about what we would like to end the year with! Well, here is my list!

·     Write down at least one note, one diary entry, one letter or one page to describe whatever that you are feeling! It can be any memory of these last days which you want to stay with you forever!

·       Click! - Get your cameras ready! Whether you have a mini-pocket camera or an SLR - it doesn't matter! What we are going to capture are feelings and not the flora-fauna of Amazon forests! Take as many pictures as you can - not just of 31st evening, but anything fun which you might be doing in this week. Like dinner with friends, airport scene while taking that flight to home/holiday etc.

·         One thing for 1st Jan - Try and decide one thing which you would like to do on 1st Jan 2012, apart from getting rid of the hangover from last night! This way the celebration will not end on 31st night and you will have something good to start the new year with!

·         Connect - If you have not sent that Christmas / Year End / New Year greeting to your friends and family, do it now! Do not leave it for the last moment. Send that email/ card / or call, and now is a good time to start!

·         Traveling? - Most people I know are either taking a holiday right now or traveling to meet their family. Either way, try and take a memorable trip in the last week of 2011. Even if it is a short two day trip, I highly recommend to get out and move! You can even come back before the new year eve celebrations!

·         To-Do! - Chuck that To-Do list for a week! Don't worry about the hundred things which you might have mentioned in the list. It's the last week, so don't feel guilty about giving yourself a break! Rather, identify the few important things (like the above :) ) which you want to do and only think about completing those.

·         Celebrate - Most importantly, Celebrate! Trust me - you do not wish to end the year and begin the new year sitting on your bean-bag with popcorn watching a movie or a TV show! You can do this on any day of the year. Celebrate with  your family & friends, even if it is a dinner together - it is special!

·         Light up your room with candles, wear a new dress / jacket, go out for a special dinner or anything else which you like to do! Remember that you do not need to wait for special moments to happen to you, you can make them happen!

See you in 2012!

Reflections 2011 - Part 2; Ways to say Goodbye to 2011

Hi again!

I hope all of you enjoyed reading the first in the series of Reflections 2011. Well, I can tell you that I definitely enjoyed writing it because it brought back all the wonderful memories of 2011.

Today, continuing this a little further, I am going to write about the ways I have thought of, to end this year meaningfully and well, interestingly!

1. Thank you 2011-  Thinking about all the special, happy, funny memories of 2011, I realized how none of it would have happened without all the other people who made it happen. The interesting thing to note is that I was not alone in any of my happy memory and I can bet  that if you try and remember any of  yours, you would not be in it alone too! So, why not take out a minute to say thank you and show our gratitude to all the people who made our year wonderful. Tell them how much they mean to you! In the end, it is not about adding more friends on Facebook, but it is about adding more friendship to your existing friends.

2. Dreams 2012 -  I have always been a big believer in following one's own dreams and wishes. And although I have unlimited dreams, every year I try to fulfill some of them. And let me tell you something, it is working! Slowly and steadily, I am getting there! Things which make me happy are truly coming true! Isn't it amazing!

I know that it is not possible all the time to get everything that you want! However, we do not need to get everything at the same time.  Let us make it simple! This is what I do. Every year I write down at least 5 dreams, which I think I want, to come true in the coming year. And the target is to achieve at least 3 of them! Better still, write down 10. You have a greater sample to choose from. And then when you know that you just have to achieve 3 out of those 10, it does not look all that difficult at all!

So open your diaries, journals or laptops and write down these things which you think you want in 2012. And write down that you are going to get at least three of them. Start with the ones which you think are most feasible, but be reminded that life is indeed full of surprises and it will present you with something you never expected, but always wanted!

3. Challenges 2012 - I am not a big fan of New Year Resolutions! For starters,  I don't like anything binding. For me, I need adventure, spontaneity and surprises to live my life and not a 12 month agenda telling me what I should do! So I hardly make new year resolutions! However, what I do is that I think of a few challenges which I would like to throw upon myself for the next year! So, think of something. Something which you have contemplated doing, but never got to! Something which you were scared of maybe! Or simply something which seems challenging in itself. For me Challenge 2012 is going to be, 'learning fluent Mandarin'. Yeah, that's right! And I hope that next year when I am writing Reflections 2012, I can happily put it as one of my happy moments! So, have you thought of your Challenge 2012 yet?

4. Experiences 2011 - Experiences form the major part of our memories. Whether the experience is good or bad, it will register. And although the good ones will bring smiles later, the bad ones bring with them lessons. Now that I am done writing down my 'good' experiences, I am going to write down my bad and sad ones. It is not the easiest task, I know. However, after writing the not-so-good moments down, I am also going to add what I learnt from them and how I can avoid the mistakes in the years to come. And yes, those are not going to be posted on the blog!

Okay! So now that I have made my list to do before the calendar strikes 31st December, I better get started! Do you have your list? If you have more ideas, please share! Wishing you all the best for the year end!

Reflections 2011 - Part 1

 Hello my dear friends!

Wow! It has been such a long time since I posted anything on this blog and I know apologies will not be sufficient to make up for it. So I am back here with much more than just sweet sorrys.

 

Right now is an interesting time of the year. A mixture of holidays, Christmas cakes, sale shopping, family and friends gathering, snow, jingle bells, new year eve and new year resolutions. But welcoming the new, always means saying good bye to the previous. And that is not always easy. So, at a time when we are about to say goodbye to dear old 2011 and welcome the exciting 2012, I am going to bring for all of you a series of posts in this month. Thoughts & contemplations, tips & techniques and experiences and anecdotes for our simple souls.  

Looking back at the last eleven months of this year, what would you want to remember first. I am sure the memories that brought you smiles, laughter and of course happiness (and Facebook albums).  Can you list all the moments which made you do so? I am going to list mine. Why don't you create your own list and see how fulfilling the year will seem to you.

v    Rafting in the Ganga - Going on this fun adventure with my dear friends and diving into the cold waters of Ganga, was one of the most memorable experiences of the last year. Am not sure if it washed my sins, but definitely washed my fears away.

v    Band, Baaja & Baarat - It was definitely a year of Big Fat Indian Weddings - for both of us - Bollywood and me. Apart from the fact that I loved the movie, so many of my dear friends got married this year. Looking back, I was fortunate enough to be a part of their big day when they took their vows and promised each other a lifetime of happiness (& fights).

v    Trips with family - Once you are out of college, vacations look like a thing of fairy tales. But 2011 was kind enough to make this tale a reality. Between my last job and the move to Hong Kong, I could spend some quality time to spend with my family in my most loved city, Ahmedabad and refresh the memory of those school and college vacations. The fun picnics, playing Pictionary till late night with cousins, a trip to Bhavnagar, restaurants, movies and outings with friends, and the list is endless.

v    Moving to Hong Kong - This will remain one of the major interesting highlights of the last year. It was a huge step for my husband and me. Luckily the transition went smoothly and both of us are loving HK! Every bit of it! Everything from searching an apartment, getting our first furniture, touristy weekend outings, learning Cantonese, LKF, beaches and lots more have contributed to my 'dear-diary' moments!

v    Swimming pools and sea - After the rafting experience , I decided to get my swimming costume and get my swimming lessons! This was one of the new things I picked up (still learning actually) in this year. And with this came my first dip into the salty sea water at Shek O beach (HK). Even though I was no match for the waves, and the water flung me across different directions until my husband came to my rescue, the experience was completely exhilarating!

v    Master Chef of my kitchen -  Yes, this year also brought with it lots and lots of cooking experiments and lots of new yummy dishes which I prepared in my very own cute tiny kitchen! I love cooking and this year I took it to a new level trying different cuisines all the time, so much that I am contemplating starting a food blog in the next year! We will see!

v   Writing - Looking back, this has also been the year when I retrieved my long lost love - writing! Having a two months break between two jobs, gave me the time to re-start what I always wanted to do! Started two blogs (this one and www.nidhikushshah.blogspot.com) along with some other writing projects (top secret at the moment)! However, I hope to be better in 2012 with lot more posts on my blogs and many other things (again top secret at the moment)!

These are some of the key highlights which I could remember instantly. And as you must have realized, the ones which I have noted are nothing like stepping on the moon or building a robot or traveling the Amazon forests. These are my simple joys of life, which made 2011 a special year for me! Why don't you try and remember the good, significant and special memories of your 2011. I would love to read them if you would like to share. Write these memories down and be grateful to yourself and the people who made them happen!  

What happened to my Blog!!

“What has happened to your blog? Why is there no new post since a long time?” A dear friend asked me this question yesterday! And suddenly I realized that I had not written for quite some time. Well, to be honest, written, but not posted on the blog! Why? Many factors; but mostly excuses like, “other things kept me busy, I have been traveling, commitments at work and family” and there is a string of them to justify to none else but myself. However, now that I think of it, the most important and honest reason was the fear of living up to the expectations that I had set for me! My last few posts were liked and appreciated by my friends and readers and hence, I wanted to make sure that the next one I wrote was – ‘up-to-the-mark’! And this made me delay typing down my penned pages! I was apprehensive that what if my next post is not as good or as liked as the previous one? Therefore, when I started this post, I had no title in mind. I still don’t have one, but I know what I am going to write about. Fighting performance expectations – from others and mostly from you!

And more I thought about it, the more I realized that this is something which has been in our lives since school days. You came first in the examination; teachers and parents expected you to repeat the same and you studied harder and were tensed before the exam! You won a debate competition in college; you and your friends wanted you to do it again! You made an excellent presentation at work; you got nervous before your next one and put more efforts! Why? It was because, each time we accomplished something, we pushed the finish line further away and we were scared of reaching this very finish line which others or we ourselves had drawn for us! Isn’t that the reason we avoid doing many things in the first place?

It is difficult to fight these expectations, I know! Especially, when you have set an example for yourself and everyone including you, expects you to supersede your last work. And although we would love it that way, we need to remind ourselves that the life’s curve is like a sine wave – there are both crests and troughs equally. We have to realize that excellence is important, but so are efforts! It is important to keep moving. Remember, that Sachin does not hit a century all the time. And Mona Lisa was not the last painting by Leonardo da Vinci!

Are you ready.....for a CHANGE?

Hello...my dear friends! First of all, apologies for not having added anything new to the tapestry for a long time.  I have now moved to Hong Kong and so the last couple of weeks were extremely hectic, moving and settling down in the new place. Yeah, everything is different – new city, new home, new people, new language and a new me! Everything has changed! The question is, am I ready for this change!

Moving and adjusting to a new city is not a new phenomenon in my life, however every time it occurs, it adds a completely different perspective to my persona and to my life. As a kid when I changed cities, it was all about changing schools, making new friends all over again, learning a new language etc. My concerns appeared to be more challenging than my parents, who had to worry about a new house, getting admissions for me and my brother into a new school, packing and unpacking etc. As I grew, the concerns translated into littlemore serious aspects like changing jobs, working with a new team etc. However, throughout the years, only one thing remained constant in my life – CHANGE! And thus, I grew to love it, be excited with it and look forward to embracing it! 

After school, the university I got into was not by my choice but by situation, only to realize later that I couldn’t have been happier at any other place. I have been a day scholar throughout and never took to hostel life as I couldn’t afford to miss the luxuries of being at home, only to discover (after being married to a student studying and staying at IIM Bangalore) that life couldnt be the same without experiencing the hostel nightouts. I hated when my alarm went on at 8 AM, only to see the beauty of the rising sun, because now  I have to get up at 5:30 AM. I used to be scared of heights and would never go the balcony of my friends appartment on the 10^th floor, only to realize two days back, that the view from the 22^nd Floor window of my hotel room is simply mind-blowing! With each changed situation, I had something to learn. Some people prefer to call these incidents unexpected or unwanted changes. I, on the other hand, prefer to call them as “Serendipity”! 

I think its upto us, how to react when the road called life presents us with a change at the next exit! Are we ready to take the new road or do we wish to take a U-turn and go back to the familiar route? Do we want to remain in the comfort zone or go ahead and let interesting accidents of change happen to you? I say, take a chance and face the change! You never know whats in store for you!

I know its going to be a different day tomorrow than what it was exactly a week ago! I know that when I wake up, I will not be seeing the green leaves of gulmohar through my window and I will miss that. But I know that I will see magnificent tall skyscrapers of HongKong outlining the sky. Its different. And I am loving it!!

The art of saying “NO”

I heard my friend telling me yesterday, “I didn’t really want to go for the movie but I couldn’t say no!”  I remember her telling me some time back, “I really wish I didn’t have to go to work this Saturday to help a colleague with his pending reports.”  And this kept on occurring from time to time! And I recognized what her problem was! She was not able to say the ‘forbidden’ word – NO!!

And then I realized that this problem was not hers alone. Lot of people around us were fighting within to say this word! How many times have we found ourselves in an awkward or unpleasant situation where we wished we could say “NO”, but ended up giving an affirmative? How many times have we been pushed to do things which we didn’t want to, by our friends, family or colleagues? I have a feeling that we come across such situations quite often either at home, work or elsewhere.

But have we wondered that why are we not able to say “NO” at the right moment? The reason is the fear of making the other person unhappy or spoiling the relationship. We have been made to believe that it is rude to say no to people! However that is not the case. Being assertive is not the same as being impolite.

We have to understand first, that it is important to express our refusal in certain situations because if we don’t we will be carried away. If we are unable to express it in the first instance then it becomes even more difficult the next time. After some time, we develop an inner resentment towards ourselves and other people and ultimately it affects our relationships with them. We also end up wasting a lot of our important time doing unnecessary favours.

So what do we do? The secret is in the art of saying the forbidden word –“NO”

1.      Set Priorities – If you have your priorities right, then you will know yourself what needs to be done first and what to say no to!

2.      Reschedule – Try and reschedule the request of favour to a later time when you think you will be able to do it. This way you will not end of giving a straight refusal and also not disturb your current timetable. However don’t do this, unless you wish to do this task at a later instance.

3.     Polite but Firm – Being polite is important while refusing. For example one could say, “I would have loved to do it, but….”, or “I am probably not the best person to do this...” etc. You can give any such reason politely. However remember to be firm. Make the other person understand that you can’t be persuaded to change your mind!

4.     Don’t give too many explanations – Saying No when you feel is your right, so don’t offer too many explanations for the refusal.

It might seem a little difficult in the beginning, but once you have mastered the art of saying no at the right moment, you will discover that it’s really not that tough!  You will end up saving a lot of time, be more efficient and relaxed and happier! I learnt it and I know I am happier! Why don’t you try! 

The Magical Words

It was 2 AM. And Nikita was tossing on her bed from one side to another. It was not new to her that she was not asleep at this time. On most situations she would either be reading a book or watching a movie. But today there was another reason for her insomnia. Her thoughts were keeping her awake. Definitely something was wrong!

She had an argument with her mother the last week! She was on ‘not-talking’ terms with her colleague! Her little sister didn’t want to talk to her. Her best friend had not called her for days after the last heated conversation they had! And so on! 

“Why is suddenly everyone so unhappy with me?”, she thought to herself! Unable to find any answers herself, she started doing what she loved the most –  she took out her old letters from her dearest people and started reading them. At least that will make me feel happy!”, she reflected! 

While going through the bundle, she found  a tattered letter from her grandfather. He had written this to her when she was in the 3^rd grade. Carefully she opened the letter, as she was scared that it would tear at the folds. She had forgotten all about the content, but what intrigued her to read further was the title that her grandpa had given to the letter – ‘The Magical Words’. What could it be? She started reading it. It said,

Dear Niki,

Hope your exams went well? Did you enjoy reading the Fairy Tales book which I sent with mumma?

Well, today I am sending another gift with this letter. I am going to tell you the secret magical words! Yes! These are the words which fairies, elves, pixies and everyone else in the far far land use when they talk with each other. And you know what, they never fight. They never make anyone else feel bad with their words. They are friends forever and are very happy!

These magical words are “THANK-YOU”, “I am SORRY” and “PLEASE”! Whenever anybody does an act of kindness to you, say Thank-you. Whenever you know you are wrong or have fought with your friend say I am Sorry. And whenever you want something say Please. And say these words with all your feelings and you will realize that they will work wonders – just like magic! 

Remember to use the magical words next time you talk to someone!

Lots of love,

Grandpa

Nikita didn’t move. She had completed reading the letter but not the thought which her grandpa had sent her. She remembered that how as a kid., she had taken this message to heart and followed it and how it had worked like magic for her! And suddenly she knew the answer to the thought that had been keeping her awake. She had forgotten to use the magical words! 

And this is something which happens to many of us. As we grow, we somehow forget to use these magical words. Or even if we do, do we mean it? How many times have we genuinely apologized a friend whom we have hurt? How many times have we truly acknowledged and thanked the person who has helped us, maybe in the slightest manner? And how many times have we asked for something without taking the help for granted?

A slightest ‘Thank-you’, ‘Sorry” or ‘Please’ from the bottom of our hearts can work miracles – more than any other magical word like “Abracadabra”!!

Follow Your Dreams

“Follow Your Dreams”! You might wonder that why suddenly (and that too after such a long time) have I started the post with such words! Well, actually last week I was talking to some students (at IIT Gandhinagar, where I am working at the moment) about believing in and following their dreams!

I told them, that while clearing a cupboard (on my mother’s insistence) filled with old books, diaries and tons of memories, I discovered an old diary which I had started writing when I was 10 years old. On the last page of the diary I had written a line, “I want to travel the whole world” about which I had completely forgotten over the years. As time passed, I got my engineering qualification and was going to join a reputed software company. However, the dream etched in my sub-conscious stopped me going after that job. Instead I went to Australia to do something completely different – work in the field of education. Coming back to India, my work required me to travel across India & Nepal. Last year, from Bangalore, again my dream led me to take, what people called, a crazy decision to quit my job and go to Europe for three months! And I ended up visiting 14 countries the last three years!

Reading that line from my 15 years old diary made me revisit this entire journey in a flash. I realized that my dream as a child was influencing my decisions and leading me towards it.

But how many of us know what our dreams really are? What are the things we really really want to do or go after? And what are the things which we end up doing or taking up because of family, peer or societal expectations? And if we do discover that this is something which we really want, would we have the courage to follow it, fight for it!

I had read a short story sometime back. Two brothers while climbing to their apartment on 80^th floor (as the elevator was not working), decided to dump their bags on the 20^th floor. They could not carry it further and decided to come back later for it. They quickly climbed the next 20 floors hardly talking to each other. During the climb to the 60^th floor, they were getting tired and irritated and fought with each other complaining about the situation they were in. After reaching the 60^th floor, they decided as there were only 20 floors left, they would climb quietly in peace. On reaching the 80^th floor they found out that they had forgotten the key in the bag, because of which they would not be able to rest in peace now!!

This story is an excellent reflection of our lives. When we are young, we have too much load of others expectations and so we decide to dump the key to our happiness – our dreams, and then think that we will come back to them later. But we forget them.  From the age of 20 to 40, we get busy doing various things and forget to think about what we left behind. At the age of 40 we realize and complain that we are not happy doing whatever we are doing. And then at 60 we make peace with ourselves, deciding to spend the rest of our life quietly. And at the end of life’s journey, we can’t rest in peace because somewhere there is an un-fulfilled dream within us which we left ages ago!

I would just conclude saying that if there is something which we truly love and want to achieve in life and if we truly believe in it, then there is nothing stopping us to get it. Just go for it!